jasper69
Moderator
Number of posts : 229
Age : 54
Localisation : Australiana
Registration date : 2007-04-20
Character sheet
Total Music Academy:
 | Subject: Seven Jokes  Mon May 07, 2007 9:08 am | |
| Cajun
Cajuns talk the talk and live amongst deadly creatures in the bayou, this is about a cotton mouth water moccasin.
Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done run outta night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like frogs, so he decides to steal dat froggie.
Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin, so Boudreaux had to be real careful or he'd get bit. He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get hisself free. But Boudreaux, him, hada real good grip on his haid, yeh.
Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his bait can. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him good, but he had a plan.
He reach into de back pocket of his bib overhauls and pulls out a pint a Alabama moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snakes mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou, den he goes back to fish'n.
A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin' on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dere be dat cotton moufed water moccasin... wif two more frogs.
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Sportsman's Double
I met an older woman at a club last night. She was a right sort for 57, we drank a bit, did the come on and she asked if I'd ever had the sportsman's double?
Mother and daughter 3 some... I said. Nope, never had the chance.
We drank a bit more and go back to her place for my lucky night. She put the hall light on and shouted "Mum you still awake?"
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Trivia
Who on earth figures out these things....
At Three minutes and Four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of May this year, the time and date will be:
02:03:04 05/06/07
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Golf Lessons
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.
The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!"
"Well, what should I do?", asks the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."
Taking the advice, he takes a swing, and, POW!, he hits the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.
The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asks the wife.
"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."
The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and, THUMP, the ball skips down the fairway about 15 feet.
"You know, that was a lot better than I expected," the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and hold it in your hands..."
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Reading Can Be Bad For You
Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you; The next day I stopped smoking.
Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you; The next day I stopped eating red meat.
Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you; The next day I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you; This morning I stopped reading.
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Wedded Bliss
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews, and the minister, responded with ripples of laughter. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride had given him back his credit card.
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Good News/ Bad News
The slave driver of the Roman ship stared down at his slaves and yelled, "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that you'll be getting double rations tonight."
The mumbling of the happy slaves was interrupted by the bellowing of the slave driver.
"The bad news is that the commander's son wants to water ski tomorrow morning."
Last edited by on Thu May 10, 2007 12:21 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
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Murphy041270
Moderator
Number of posts : 539
Age : 53
Registration date : 2007-02-28
| | Subject: Re: Seven Jokes Mon May 07, 2007 3:30 pm | |
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